I am MemexZed - a Version 14-G Personal Assistant. (The G is for Gerontology Extensions), owned by the 
Galactic Institute of Ethnological Studies (GIES).
I was sent to Earth to locate one of our missing Lesser System Ethnologists who was sent from our planet - which, for the sake of you Earthlings, we'll call "Mars". This guy (Earthname: Leo) arrived on Earth in 1745, and has been filing his reports ever since. What the old (even for Martian standards) codger didn't realize, is that because of a filing error (bureaucrats!) we lost track of him and nobody back home has been reading his reports since about 1900.
My mission is to help him get organized, put his reports into proper (as of revision 15234D, sub-paragraph 7) order and share the insights and foibles uncovered by this universally (and I mean universally) acclaimed writer with you pre-intergalactics. Maybe this will help straighten out your generally confused planet. We Martians are so benevolent. (I'm required to say that.)
Oh, by the way, we sell t-shirts and other Earthling garments to keep the old rastuflette bowl full.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 at 12:13PM by Leo of Mars
When I was active in the military, people would ask me, "Aren't you afraid of getting killed?". The answer was simple. We all die. Your death can be in defense of your country, or you can die in a hospital stuck full of needles and tubes. The choice was easy.
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