Governor Blago part of SKI conspiracy

by Leo of Mars

My wife and I sat on the couch, bathed by the warm glow of Fox News Network, when she said, "Hey, you've got a nose just like that Blago guy."

Across the room my Grandmother's picture faded in on the electronic picture frame. Poor lady. She had a nose just like that Blago guy, too. I realized that the time had come to confess to my wife that I was part of a world-wide Polish conspiracy, the Secret Kabal International (SKI).

I explained that SKI was founded early in the Dark Ages. The Poles rightly believed that they were the most intelligent and creative tribe in the world. They knew that their jealous neighbors would try to wipe them off the face of the Earth, rather than compete with them. To hide their talents and deflect the envy of the less gifted, they developed a two pronged program.

Prong One required each generation to designate high-profile Poles to engage in buffoonery, while Prong Two required Poles to do amazing things under assumed names. Governor Rod Blagojevich was just the latest to accept the responsibility of carrying the banner of Prong One. Who could forget failed Presidential candidate Senator Edmund Muskie who torpedoed his own campaign by crying in public about bad press. Then of course there was the first President of modern Poland, who after helping Poland establish independence after 123 years of partitions, proceeded to invade Russia. (Note: If you think invading Russia is a good idea, you may be part of Prong One).

"OK, OK". my wife interrupted, "let's say I buy this SKI Conspiracy. Who are these secret super-achievers?"

For starters, Copernicus. "Copernicus? Isn't that the basket full of fruits and vegetables we put on the table at Thanksgiving?" (Please forgive my wife. She was educated in the Los Angeles School District.)

No, Copernicus, I explained, provided the first scientific theory showing that the Earth revolved around the Sun, not the Sun around the Earth. He's considered the Father of Modern Astronomy and his work is credited with beginning the scientific revolution which created the modern world.

My wife countered, "Did he have a nose like you and Blagojevich?" Definitely. "So, who else?", she asked.

Madame Curie, who discovered radioactivity, and laid the groundwork for nuclear power.

"'Curie' doesn't sound Polish."

Exactly. She was part of SKI Prong 2, I explained. She was the only person in history to win Nobel prizes in two different sciences and her maiden name was Maria Sklodowska. Not only were amazing Poles in the sciences, I continued, they have also contributed to the arts.

"Wait, I Know this one", Margaret said. "It's Chopin. Right? The great composer and pianist."

Well, Chopin was Polish, I agreed, but I was thinking of Bobby Vinton. "Bobby Vinton?" You know, "She wore bluuuuuue velvet, bluer than velvet was the night...".

Margaret interrupted: "Stop! I've got just one question. There are two SKI Prongs, right?"

Yes, you get it.

"So which one are you in?"

That's when I decided to go get a beer.